Category archive: Humour

The Christmas that nearly wasn’t

Name your best Christmas, my parents said to me the other day. My best… the most memorable… the most exciting?!

To be honest, I can only remember Christmas’s from eight years up – the first eight years were a mist of hazy snapshots, smells, and tears (most likely mine because I was the youngest of three girls). From eight years on, I remember more.

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Christmas deflated

I don’t really remember much about my early Christmases but this one was different.

This was the year I got a big blow-up beach ball. It was almost as big as me, bright and colourful – and the only ball I could catch at the time!

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A Christmas story

Some Christmases stand out. The one where I pushed my sister’s face into the pavlova because she was annoying me, that was one of those. The one I spent in England with a vegan family with a carnivorous father with nut roast as the centrepiece.

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Plum pudding and plonk

My mother was a caterer.

She worked from home with the help of my step-father (heavy lifting duties and general run-about) and daughter number three, aged 10 years (me, baker of pavlovas). She provided good honest food for friends’ and relatives’ weddings.

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Miscellany – November

Man hurries into the Auckland airport’s domestic terminal and stops.  It’s just not the place he once knew so well. Not many airport officers around to ask for directions but he does spot a tall Polynesian officer standing nearby. Man thinks he should know and so he stops and asks:

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Great auditions – act two

 Auditioning acts for Television had a success rate of about 300 to 1. Not every session could produce a Shona Laing or Bulldogs All Star Goodtime Band, and although my musical director and I treated everyone with courtesy, our patience was pretty stretched  by day’s or week’s end!

However, occasionally an act walked through the door, and though  unsuccessful as television talent, was never forgotten.

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An Englishman Abroad…

Thinking again of the delightful Alan Bennett’s wonderful play, ‘An Englishman Abroad’ brings much to mind if one is an Englishman abroad.  Bennett wrote of the Soviets, that while the comrades were very good they could not do this that or the other.

An Englishman living in New Zealand often has similar thoughts.  The Kiwis have an abundance of strengths.  Most notable is the ability to use cows to turn grass into a very profitable endeavour and of course, the ability to play rugby union. How  and what then are my Kiwi friends lacking?

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Who said that first? – (To) know what’s what

(To) know what’s what

Sometimes said of society matrons who understand perfect etiquette and the science of dinner-table seating. Or pundits who know local political gossip and the status of the financial markets. The term first appears in Hudibras by Samuel Butler (1663):

He knew what’s what, and that’s as high

As metaphysic wit can fly.

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Miscellany – September

How the spread of Covid 19 is based on two things.

  1. How dense the population is.
  2. How dense the population is.

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Here’s the best summary of that self-styled ‘stable genius’ – President Trump. It comes from Ed Yong, staff writer covering science for that great and enduring magazine The Atlantic.  It’s titled How the Pandemic Defeated America and it’s a searing description of Trump as he   wrote off the Corona virus.

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