Humour Archives - Page 11 of 11 - kiwiboomers

Good intentions – and goldfish

220px-Goldfish3 Years ago, my then partner, Jane, and I were blessed with perfect neighbours. In those days, neighbours like these were rare.

Today …?

By Paul Smith

Sikh and ye shall find

News: Police called – Sikh student’s headphone wires protruding from his bag.

Saw someone suspicious on my morning walk today. I mean, who wears a red towel wrapped around their head for goodness sake – nobody I know. Had a woman with him and she laughs just that little bit too much. Sure sign something’s up. She might be one of his harem. Could be his sex slave – could be his hostage! So I did the only decent thing – called 111.

By Paul Smith

A hat-rack please…

Went shopping for a hat-rack the other day. No big deal, this was a need rather than a want – my hats had multiplied in direct proportion to my vanishing hair.

I rang a store which stocks everything from rope to paints and plants, and asked for a hat-rack.

“No we don’t sell any” said a South African accent a little too emphatically, the way some people do when they want you off the line.

“Really?”

“I’ll put you through to hardware” she said, and was gone, though Hardware was displeased.

By Ian Robertson

Will you piggy-wig, swear never to tell a Porky…?

Auckland lawyer, veterinarian and author has published his new book, Animals, Welfare and the Law. It encompasses ethics, history and the law, so it’s a weighty read for those of us who routinely plough through fiction. But Mr Robertson has not overlooked the dark – but often comical moments in the long history of animals and humans. Some of these include the criminal trials of animals…