Category archive: Humour

June Miscellany

Wit – the first casualty of political discourse

Contributor  Chris  Horan  put his finger on the dreary state of political oratory in this country now that cameras and mikes are everywhere.    The last memorable  orator  was  David Lange  –  trouble is,  his comedy masked the  dismantling of a  Kiwi society  many of us loved.

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A view from the barber’s chair…

There’s not much to look at from a barber’s chair. On my last visit a notice at the bottom of the mirror caught my attention: “Like us on Facebook and follow your barber on Instagram.” since the barber was standing behind me with shears in his hand I was afraid to ask if it was a joke.   Perhaps it’s just in Wanaka where this kind of strange behaviour can be found? Not that I’m paranoid, but I’ve noticed that most of the books in Wanaka library are written by women – well, maybe I am paranoid, but I can read. So why is every book a world-wide best seller?

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May miscellany

It’s a rugged way to end up – from being loved to bits to being forgotten and dumped along with the week’s other trash. Let’s hope some teddy lover got to him/her before the rubbish truck…

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The Very Last Time I Played Rugby…

The last time I played rugby was when I was a (relatively) springy 34-year-old.

I’d moved from south Wales to take up a new job on the English north east coast 45 kilometres or so from the town where I was born.  The good news: We found a house in a small, pleasant and ancient market town of some seven thousand people. The not so good: we  knew  very few people apart from a handful of new colleagues.

How, I asked myself, could I make friends?  The local Clubs didn’t appeal  and that left sports clubs; why not try rugby again?

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Thank God That’s Over: The 2019 Academy Awards

I watched a little of the television coverage of the 2019 Academy Awards and  briefly scanned the online updates from sources such as Variety and Indiewire., The was one bright moment in Olivia Coleman’s acceptance speech and the US audience ratings appeared to reverse last year’s slump, but it wasn’t essential viewing. It hasn’t been so for the past decade or more.

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March miscellany

The rains were coming, unusually, and the peaches we’d  been monitoring  in the burning  sun for weeks were flushed and  ripe on  our neighbour’s tree.  She invited us to take as many as we liked  because she didn’t want the birds to snaffle these delights. Neither did we, and so in her backyard  Griff welcomed me and watched as I took to a loaded branch with a six foot bamboo pole. 

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Soggy pants flight

“Six o’clock!” she cried and the bedsheets undid. “We’ll miss the bus. Won’t catch the plane!”

So she ran and he ran and they ran, until they came… to the wristwatch which, glowing with a smug luminosity on the bedside table, told them: “It’s only five o’clock”.

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Starlings…

There she was – laid out like a trophy on the back lawn. First I thought it was a Tui, my favourite bird. Ashamedly, I was relieved to find it was just a starling.

Just a Starling – didn’t it have just as much a right to live, free from urban predators? I knew immediately who the culprit was – ‘Daisy’, our over-fed house cat. The self-satisfied – ‘what me?’ – look on her face was more than sufficient to establish guilt. 

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Gozzy’s Dilemma

The locals are restless. The roads are full of camper vans. There are so many people going up Mount Roy and Isthmus Peak that toilets have been put on the tops, to be helicopter serviced at our expense. The final blow, they’ve put trial traffic lights on Albert Town bridge over the Clutha. When you see traffic lights you know things have gone to the dogs. Even my dog, Gozzy, knows you can have too much of a good thing.

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