Category archive: Humour

Pop songs revisited

Some of the artists of the 60’s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the “Limbo” as if it were yesterday.
They include:

Bobby Darin —
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ A Flash

Helen Reddy —
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore 

Continue reading

A day in the life of Nick Smith

7:34 am

Ah yes, the delights of Auckland. This city is a second home to me. Look how prosperous the inhabitants are, how well everyone appears to be doing.

Look at that family over there sleeping in their car. It’s a bit cramped with Mum, Dad and the four kids squeezed in, but I remember when I first got onto the property ladder. You don’t start out by buying the biggest and most expensive accommodation. You start small. Those people have the right idea.

Continue reading

Just not enough minutes in the day!

take it easy

Ever feel like there’s just not enough minutes in the day?  Who hasn’t?  It seems that busyness has become the new norm. For some even a badge of honour.

 “Just not enough minutes in the day!” –  declared with a proud smile, a shrug of the shoulders and shake of the head.  “I’ve just been so busy!”  The words slip off the tongue as easily as a mindless “How are you?” It’s expected.

Continue reading

Water, water everywhere…

What happens if you’re in the middle of Auckland with its 60-plus ethnicities and  want just a sip, not a bottle of water?

Linguistic confusion. It’s born out of the locals taking their lingo for granted – and new arrivals interpreting what they say,  just a little too literally.

Continue reading

So what the heck is wrong with sugary drinkss?

Sweet asThere are plenty of things worse than the occasional soft drink. Like Islamic State, or athlete’s foot, or genital warts. Shouldn’t we tax these things first, before we attack those delicious and very reasonably-priced soft drinks that bring such joy to the lives of our beloved children?

Continue reading

When you’re young and in love…

Balham, London, 1961. I was twenty and my fiancé eighteen when we decided to get married.    London was my fiancé’s home town. Being young and in love we discounted obstacles, the first being my girlfriend’s mother, who was not impressed by the idea. Not only was I from a northern tribe with a Liverpool accent, I was a labourer. We never did become pals but we learned to tolerate each other.

Continue reading

Art class – day one…

drawingYou’ve wanted to paint for years  –  but  always  filed it away as  a nice thought, one that can  wait until  say…  you were  older?  Until  you realise you’re already there.     And once you’ve declared  your interest in the craft  to an old  friend over coffee, you’ve already painted yourself into a  corner,  because friends being friends, listen.

Continue reading

Eyes (too) wide open

Eye strainJeff’s a junkie, Mary’s an alkie and Angela has something called a smartphone addiction.

Seems like everybody out there has an addiction of one kind or another so I’ll join the crowd and announce mine. It’s not anywhere near as interesting as say, sex addiction, but millions around the world share it. It’s Computer Vision Syndrome.

Continue reading

Delaying Tactics

Airport wait“Attention Please: We are a safety-conscious airport. Please do not let your children play near the escalators.”

The first time I heard this message over the PA system at Christchurch Airport I was impressed. The woman spoke in dulcet tones and I agreed wholeheartedly with the message. Unsupervised children and escalators can be a lethal mix.

Continue reading