Category archive: Humour
Now we’re past 60…
- People call at 9 pm and ask, “Did I wake you ? “
- You can live without sex but not your glasses.
- You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
- You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.
Confessions of a coffee addict
I’m going to begin this column with indelicate references, so my apologies to sensitive readers. On Saturday morning I subjected myself to a particularly undignified event.
‘A little discomfort?’
Me and the dentist are strangers but I know I’m in good company there. It’s not the childhood memories – though these linger and range from the scary whine of the drill to the dull ache which often followed. It’s not the money either (okay, it is) – dental work these days is brutally expensive.
Pop songs revisited
Some of the artists of the 60’s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the “Limbo” as if it were yesterday.
They include:
Bobby Darin —
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ A Flash
Helen Reddy —
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
A day in the life of Nick Smith
7:34 am
Ah yes, the delights of Auckland. This city is a second home to me. Look how prosperous the inhabitants are, how well everyone appears to be doing.
Look at that family over there sleeping in their car. It’s a bit cramped with Mum, Dad and the four kids squeezed in, but I remember when I first got onto the property ladder. You don’t start out by buying the biggest and most expensive accommodation. You start small. Those people have the right idea.
Just not enough minutes in the day!
Ever feel like there’s just not enough minutes in the day? Who hasn’t? It seems that busyness has become the new norm. For some even a badge of honour.
“Just not enough minutes in the day!” – declared with a proud smile, a shrug of the shoulders and shake of the head. “I’ve just been so busy!” The words slip off the tongue as easily as a mindless “How are you?” It’s expected.
Water, water everywhere…
What happens if you’re in the middle of Auckland with its 60-plus ethnicities and want just a sip, not a bottle of water?
Linguistic confusion. It’s born out of the locals taking their lingo for granted – and new arrivals interpreting what they say, just a little too literally.
So what the heck is wrong with sugary drinkss?
There are plenty of things worse than the occasional soft drink. Like Islamic State, or athlete’s foot, or genital warts. Shouldn’t we tax these things first, before we attack those delicious and very reasonably-priced soft drinks that bring such joy to the lives of our beloved children?