I had just celebrated one of those ‘big’ birthdays. I found myself musing, “How did I get here so quickly?” A question that surprised even me! I had hit the end of one decade and was starting another. While moving through the previous decades had been pretty effortless, this one felt different. The realisation that most of my life is behind me. Now the future is not sometime out there but is right here, right now!
Almost overnight, new thoughts on mortality and morbidity have graced my inner landscape. And losing close family members and friends have only just highlighted how fleeting this life is.
It feels like only yesterday that I was …well, younger! And with fewer aches and pains! Don’t get me wrong, I am well aware that every stage of life has its own junction and transition points and I have navigated many, like us all.
And yet – this one feels a bit different. No doubt, in years to come, it will be just like any other but only after I have fully lived through it! So, what else am I noticing?
I found that in this reflective space I am re-visiting the path and choices I did not exercise and the decisions I did make. I have to gently remind myself to not spend too much time in the land of rumination! That my thinking and circumstances were different then and I made the best decisions I could with the resources I had then.
I notice that thinking too much about the future also is not the smartest approach either. Pondering on the unknowns, life can start to feel more complicated and unnecessarily anxiety provoking, even undermining.
And I have also been reminded of a wonderful enabler as I embrace this new decade. This is the gift of the present.
The beautiful present where there is so much goodness, energy and power. And the present which also enables us to take the rightful and do-able action we need to take now. It is also a wonderful enabler and combat for the worry monster!
Another gift of being here in life’s journey is giving myself permission for blue sky thinking. And given the profound awareness about time I do NOT want life to be ‘business as usual.’
It feels good to be asking myself, “What do I really, really want to do now?” “Is there something I have always wanted to do but haven’t?”
I have been re-visiting that which gives me pleasure and joy and finding that a lot of these are the simple things of life. My inquiry has made me more mindful and attuned to different “signs” and “signals” that have been vying for my attention.
As in any stage of life, the answers to the deeper questions I am asking are not necessarily quick and easy. It requires us to be open, to stay open and to keep connecting with our deeper self.
It has meant listening to that fleeting inner voice which in the hum of our busy lives can get easily silenced. It has also required me to trust that new awareness and opportunities will come as they always have in the past.
Most of all, I am reminded that in my desire for knowing and having certainty, I don’t always have to move fast and give premature form and structure to things… to let emerge what needs to emerge… like the incubating chrysalis, the DNA is inherently there.
Curiosity, Patience and Surrender need to be my new friends.